Is your teen studying in Singapore? Are you feeling stressed about your teenager’s academic performance? Parents who are unhappy about their teens’ test or exam results might be wondering:
First things first: As a parent, you need to be realistic about what your teenage child can achieve in school. Often, adolescents feel anxious about their academic performance due to the pressures they face at home.
But if your expectations about your teen’s grades are reasonable, the issue could be that your teen lacks the motivation to learn. When this happens, your efforts to lecture, threaten, nag, or cajole your teen to try harder may be fruitless.
Thankfully, all is not lost, and there are ways that you can help your teen to ignite their passion for learning! Read on to find out why the desire to do well in school must come from within, and learn some simple strategies to help your teen take charge of his or her academic performance in school.
In the world of psychology, there are different types of motivation, but they generally fall under two categories—extrinsic or intrinsic motivation.
Extrinsic motivation happens when one is motivated by an external reward, such as a parent’s praise, a school award, or prize money. When this occurs, the individual’s behaviour is directly dependent on the availability of the incentive.
What about intrinsic motivation? The more powerful of the two, intrinsic motivation refers to the personal gratification that one gets from completing a task well. The satisfaction can arise from simple tasks such as solving a puzzle like Wordle, to more complex tasks like doing well for a challenging assignment, or getting good grades for a test.
Here’s a common question from parents: Should teens be rewarded for A grades? Some learning experts caution against this, because it could lead a teen to think: “I’m only learning because I want the reward. If there’s no reward, I’m no longer interested in learning!”
You might also want to refrain from dangling material rewards as carrots for good performance, because research has suggested that such rewards can be distracting—they can slow learning down, and make students more error prone.
Instead, it’s better to focus on intrinsic motivation, which is thought to be more effective in the long run. This is because the individual works to fulfil their internal needs such as a sense of accomplishment and competence—such motivation is more likely to sustain itself over time, and less likely to lead to dissatisfaction or burnout.
Of course, if your teen does well on a test or exam, you can still find ways to celebrate this achievement as a family, by heading out for a meal or a movie together. But make it unexpected rather than a given! Such celebrations send the message that you value your teen’s efforts in working hard without building unhealthy dependencies.
To spur their teens to work hard, some parents implement new ‘rules’ at home, such as withholding phone privileges, in order to get teens to focus on schoolwork. Do be aware that such moves can create conflict between you and your teen, and they may only work temporarily, if at all.
What should you as a parent do instead, to motivate your teen to enjoy school? Here are some ideas to consider:
In order to love what we do, we need to believe that we’re in control of our efforts. If you are constantly trying to rescue your teen with homework help or tutors—without consulting your teen—you will slowly erode your teen’s sense of autonomy.
What’s the alternative? Learn to hold back, and hand over the decision making to your teen.
Let’s say you’ve discovered that your teen has performed poorly on a test. The first thing you should do is offer comfort—give your teen a hug and assure him or her that everything will be fine.
When your teen appears ready for a discussion, you can then ask: “Do you need help in this subject?” Allow your teen to take the lead, and refrain from providing a ready solution. If your teen says “no,” you can check in again after several days, to see if your teen has had a change of mind.
If your teen is upset by poor grades, suggest a bonding activity such as heading out for a walk together. This also provides a safe space for your teen to reveal his or her feelings to you.
Note that there are other ways to give your teen a sense of autonomy in school, which have nothing to do with grades. For instance, you can let your teen decide on what courses to pursue, or which activity clubs to join in school. This will help your teen to enjoy learning in a holistic way.
We all want to feel that we’re good at something, and teens are no different. Do make a habit of pointing out your teen’s strengths, and give examples of how his or her hard work has paid off in the past.
To help your teen set study goals, you could ask questions like:
If your teen has unhealthy study habits, such as being prone to distractions, you can introduce some tried-and-tested strategies for maintaining focus, such as listening to instrumental music while working, or putting away one’s devices.
For parents who are pursuing further studies, this can be the perfect opportunity to ‘show, not tell.’ Be honest about the challenges that you’re facing in your own studies, and let your teen see where you have struggled or failed, as well as your efforts to improve.
As a parent, it is important for you to role-model the right behaviours for your teen. What you do is more critical than what you say—actions speak louder than words!
Being connected to others is one of our fundamental needs, and we will not be able to function effectively if we feel alienated or alone in our journey. Do work on your own communication with your teen—find ways to enjoy the time spent together, such as by playing board games or having dinner conversations with phones and other digital devices set aside.
Do you have loved ones in your network who can serve as your teen’s mentors? Create more opportunities for your teen to interact with them. Teens may still enjoy sleepovers with trusted loved ones, and this can be a chance to broach a pressing school-related issue.
Keep an eye on your teen’s efforts to socialise too—activity clubs in school are great places for meeting like-minded teens.
Worried that your teen is in danger of failing the school year, or feeling unsure about how best to support your teen? It may be more effective for an objective—and professionally trained—expert to work with your teen.
Life coaches who work with teens can help them to see their own obstacles to academic success, and create concrete plans for overcoming these challenges. Teen coaches can also work with parents, to guide them towards improving their communication and relationship with their adolescents.
The result is a happier family, striving to give their best in life.
Eager to find out how a life coach can help your teen to do better in school? Book a free discovery call with us today!
